TheOche.com

The infamous Dartoid is at it again, and this column finds him deep in south Alabama amongst the locals, trying his best to pretend that he’s not really the black Jewish darter that we all know and love him for being.

From the Pygmy infested jungles of South America, to the seedy underworld of his Harlem birthplace, to the the slave trading Ivory Coast (and then possibly back to the South American jungles again, I don’t know)…Dartoid has traveled the world. But, can his worldly adventures and experiences possibly prepare him for his greatest challange yet? Will his crafty penmanship and fast double talking save him from a face to face meeting with Bubba Earl and his redneck companions? Tune in and find out (oh, and read his column!). Okay, enough dramatic buildup, on with some snippets!

Dartoid:

“I am writing this from the Battle Hotel in the heart of the Mobile, Alabama Historic District. I’ve just returned from a night of darts just ten miles up the road, about halfway between Mobile Regional Airport and my hotel, one of the most historic in the Deep South.

“Opened in 1852, burned to the ground in 1905, rebuilt and reopened in 1908, closed in 1974 and reopened again in 2007, the Battle House is known as the hotel where Southern hospitality began. Its history goes on and on…

“In 1860, Stephen Douglas stayed here the night he lost the presidential election to Abraham Lincoln. In 1913, President Woodrow Wilson lodged here while in town to give a speech to the Southern Commercial Congress. In 1952, Elvis Presley holed up at the Battle House after he was kicked off of the fairgrounds for doing the ‘Shake’.

“And it’s here where the famous Colonial Ballroom once brimmed with “revelers in sequined costumes, tablescapes with giant floral arrangements and finery” for the royalty of America’s original Mardi Gras well before New Orleans, just one hundred miles to the west, became the city most associated with the annual celebration.

“Of course, I didn’t travel to Mobile for any of this crap. I mention it because it’s the gentlemanly thing to do down in these here parts. And at least appearing to be a gentleman is important if you want the fillies to take notice.

“What I came here for was the darts.”

What he came for was the darts…but read the entire column at Dartoid’s World to find out what he left with! Hopefully Dartoid’s gynecologist will be able to find a quick cure. Keep the chin up Dartoid, and hopefully it won’t be long before everything will be up again too!